i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
