And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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