Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
