you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
