When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
