She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
