Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
