I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
