OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
soo... how was my night?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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