i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just gargled with NyQuil
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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