I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just had sex bonerless
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
