You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
