theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
