I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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