Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I bet he comes in French.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
