just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
