woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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