you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
