im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
