R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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