matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
