Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
