fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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