this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
