oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
