You're my little dorito
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
