Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
