Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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