Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
