would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
