Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
they're like a gay fantastic four
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
