i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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