Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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