Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
