I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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