Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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