If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
