the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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