So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
