dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
