i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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