Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
