please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
that is very illegal...i love you.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
