I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
