i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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