And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
