I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
