I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
