i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
