Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
