Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
