so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
