your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
