oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
