I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
